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The Three Most Interesting Non-Tea Related Things I Have Seen in Yunnan This Spring

Yunnan Spring Tea Hunting Derailed

What a cop out blog post this is going to be. I have been busy running around Yunnan to try and find good Spring puer tea and am way too lazy to start processing all of my photographs. So, here are three enjoyable pictures to make it look like I maintain my blog with the Puritanical work ethic that I may or may not actually have.

1. This Motor Repair Shop Ad

Mountain Chainsaw Ad Tea blog

Love it.

Hot chick w/ protective goggles. Check.

Inexplicably holding a chainsaw in front of a barren mountain hellscape. Check.

Lightning striking said chainsaw. Check.

Photoshopped repair shop boss pasted in the foreground. Check.

The level of what the fuck in this ad is unparalleled. Why is she in front of a mountain range? Is she going to go cut rocks and ice? Did she just level an entire mountain forest? Why the lighting? I don’t care. I’m in. If I ever need to repair a chainsaw in Mengsong, this is the dude I am calling. Take my RMB sir, you’ve earned it. I kind of want to search this guy out and get drunk on mountain moonshine with him, but I have other appointments.

2. The Monkey King

Monkey King Tea

Carry on.

Random guy from Henan province meets my friend in Xishuangbana ten minutes before we are about to depart for the mountain. He talks a lot. Introduces himself as “Houge” (HG), which means Monkey King, from the Chinese Journey to the West stories. HG knows not much about puer. Later come to realize HG knows nothing about tea in general. HG apparently sells tea. HG asks to hitch a ride with us to Bada. Friend says sure. I cringe.  Houge talks the entire time. We start climbing a mountain on foot to check out an old tea garden. Houge points to various large trees in the forest and says, “That tea tree is huge!” Not tea trees. HG, do you really sell tea? HG becomes impatient as our journey up the mountain is steep. We keep climbing. Finally get to some gushu. [old tea trees] HG says, “Twodog, take my picture!” Houge starts doing handstands and can do the splits in the air.

Didn’t see it coming, Monkey King. Well played.

3. The Taxis and their Respect for Elders

respect your elders tea

The sign in the middle states free rides for anyone 70 or older

Shall we end on a happy note? In Menghai city there are small cars and 3 wheeled bike taxis everywhere. They have a policy that anyone over 70 years old can get a ride anywhere in the city for free. There is a 33% discount for anyone over 60. Chinese culture has a great general respect for elder folk. It’s a good thing.

Daddy’s Going to Buy a Pack of Cigarettes…

I’ll be back, just wait here. I promise to write more tea related things later, but after doing nothing but drink puer for the last few days, (In the past 4 days alone, 60 teas, according to my notebook) I needed a break from tea. And writing about that Mötley Crüe mechanic’s poster just had to make it into my blog. It found a way.

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